Who would have thought that what started out as a break for me turned out to bear so much fruits in my life.

The time when the planner decided to go with the flow, and let things be, ironically found the many complex answers to some of the things that buffled her for years.

It's been a blissful second quarter of 2012! haha.

The lovely Hanoi trip. The silent retreat.

The nice temporary teaching stint that opened my heart again as the kids warmed my heart and brought out my patience and gentleness.

The many quiet times I had, reserving my time only for few cherished friends and loved ones.

Spiritual peace which helped me to let go of a lot of frustration, anger and bitterness.

Most of all, different parts of myself are coming together once more - where I'll be my authentic self again in the longest time.

This year, I was presented with a lot of choices, be it in career or other areas. But I learnt to turn to Christ and seek divine inspiration in whatever I do and in whatever I ponder about.

Some moments were painful as I discovered ugly sides to myself. Or certain struggles I had, resurfaced once more to plague me in the last few months.

Other times, it was a relief to finally let go of the unnecessary in my life.

I've sort of shunned the limelight for the past few months as I was recovering not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Guess at this point, I would say I am happy. Not because of circumstances, but the very fact that my surrender to Christ is sweet.

Sweet, simple and divine.

And now, I'm at the point of my life, ready to face the world again. Ready to restart. Ready to move quickly...after staying still for the past three months.

Indeed, now it's onto phase 2 of my new beginning.

Decisions. Choices. God. These will inter-relate with each other for the rest of the year for me :)

Recently, as I was reflecting on my teaching , I started to look back at models of inspiration of my past. 

And so, it was only natural for me to look back at the teachers and principals who planted those little seeds of love in me.

I was fortunate to have studied in an elite girls' school for around 10 years. But I wasn't proud of the fact that the school produced A students, rather I felt privileged to have  experienced a visionary who was way ahead of her time.

The P and her loyal entourage of teachers really cared about us. The principal often walked around the large school compound to check out what the girls were doing for their after school activities. Randomly, she would buy ribena for those who were gymnasts at work, or just chit chat with little girls as young as 7, or listen to older girls as old as 16.

The P was humane and a people's person. I was very touched by one incident, where she called me in a large crowd of blue pinafores, just to tell me that she had managed to find a photograph of my late grandmother at a school event. Out of love, my late grandmother performed at a children's day school event, together with other grandmas and parents, just for the benefit of us, little children. And the irony of all is, we only knew the value of it when they're all gone, and there're only photos to prove of it.

I remember how the teachers stood outside the examination hall, and telling us that we could do it. Conquer the examination, and get the As we needed.

But school wasn't all work and no play. I still recall the wonderful school events, the random dog show, sports carnival where the whole school played street soccer, table tennis, netball, all at once, who could forget the crazy visionary's dream of having the 60th anniversary held in the indoor stadium.

To be honest, it was an administrative nightmare managing girls aged 7 to 16, especially in an era before handphones or even pagers existed.

Aside from such irreverant fun, they also pushed us hard intellectually. There was no such thing as a test too difficult, or a subject such as literature that we shouldn't take just because it was deemed too difficult to score. In fact, we were forced to take either English or Chinese lit. In the end, it didn't matter, because we did well anyway.

I don't know why such things came back to me.

But as a teacher, I wonder if I could ever give back a little of that tough love to my students.

Afterall, just doing a little bit of my part, because teaching is a loving vocation, and not really a platform to get medals, huge bonuses, or even gain public recognition.

Like my wise friend N told me, I remembered my p and teachers of yesteryears not because they helped the school earned KPIs, but rather they gave us many lessons of love.

Sure, we all did well academically, but most importantly, my p often seeked guidance from God, trusting that the school events, the students, as well as the school will be fine under his care and love.

Perhaps that's what I really need to do.

Love my students no matter who they are.

Accept and love my calling as a teacher.

Most importantly, love and trust that God will take care of all of us. For better or worse.

In the last few weeks, I kept thinking about a close friend D.

We haven't talked for more than a year, after falling out and distancing ourselves from one another.

I guess you could say that we don't exactly have a perfect friendship. Apart from this time, there was a period we argued and I stopped talking to D for a year, until one day I plucked the courage to call him and we were close once again.

But I remembered how D was there to listen to me whine non-stop about the rotten fruit. And how, I also spent time with him as he confides to me about stuff.

We were the perfect platonic friends. We knew that we can safely tell each other how we felt exactly, and yet bask under each other's company without fear that one day we'll ever cross the line.

And it was a joke at our then workplace that he was my pseudo boyfriend.

Being the sweet friend that he is, he used to fetch me to school everyday, as he lived near me, and of course people talked about it.

The truth was, he was pining for someone else across the causeway, while I was also trying to get over a bad relationship back then and sad to say, made some bad choices in my love life.

It's quite funny looking back, how D and I would mark our scripts at pubs, and then we also grumbled as we sat down together at Yishun Dam on restless nights.

But probably there are reasons why we need to be apart, as much as we were so close together in the past.

I don't know why, but last week, I plucked the courage once again to make peace with D. Though he didn't respond, I'm glad I took that first step.

My ex-bf once told me that he was jealous how much I cared for my friends, and he has reason to.

Maybe I make a better friend than a lover.

Which is why, I did tell Rotten fruit before that I wished I could be his friend, and vice versa; perhaps then, we wouldn't have hurt each other so much in the process.

Then again, it felt good making peace in the period of Lent.

I guess it's also because I've received peace.

I hope D will come back to me one day as he's really one of my closest friends ever. :)